Madge Patch and His Pet Bear Cub

Madge Patch is back home with Lars Ulrich, his pet bear cub, and doin fine. He has been officially cut from the Hockeying Team this season.

Chesticles: Dispatch from the Field

So I tried running three miles last Wednesday and had a real hard time with my hamstring strain {Editor's note: "Strain" was formerly referred to as "total blowout explosion."} Tried running my 4.5 mile loop on Friday and actually ran pain free for the last two miles. So you know what that means...

I went to the race start at the North Central Rail Trail race to see my friend Father Christmas and her husband Jack in the Box off for their 2x13 mile relay. I was visiting friends in Baltimore a 15 minute drive away anyway, so why not? Since I had already paid up for the race in my healthier days, I grabbed my number and my nice soft white sweathsirt (or premium, as the hard-core runners call it) and then decided, what the heck, I'm going to run the 13 and hop on the relay runner bus to get back to the start. {Editor's note: A full list of Chesticles' paid-up entries from "healthier days" is available upon request.}

Of course by the time I got to the turn-around, my ham was feeling fine. {Editor's note: Witness accounts confirm Chesticles' rhetoric about the blown hammy decreased with each of 13 miles, the dead space being filled with increasingly out of breath exultations of Van Halen's Cabo Wabo.} Jack in the Box's yelling, "Wait, aren't you supposed to stop running now?" But of course, I'm thinking: there are only 13 miles left to go. I keep going. The cool part of the second half is I was able to talk a complete stranger through to break 3 hours. {Editor's note: Oh, nevermind.}

He was going for 32 of 50 states, 50 marathons, all under 3 hours. His batting average is something like .500, which makes this sound like a painfully expensive hobby. {coming from one who knows...} I talked him through a long line of 6:45s and then the inevitable 7:20, then the rebound 6:50 and then the precarious 7:50 and the dreaded 8-plus final mile. G-wad from Erie, PA, finished in 2:59:50 something and collapsed into a semi-unconscious coma. I miss my days of marathon pacing. {Editor's note: Apparently not. Also, the results show G-wad being dusted in the final 400m by Chesticles, something I think we all wish we had been there to see. http://brrc.com/brrc2010/NCR2010.txt }

That's a roundabout way of saying that I might be up for a long trail run over Christmas after all. Let's see how the hammie feels after the marathon soreness wears off. But Roxbury in two weeks is too crazy, even by my standards.

{Editor's note: Welcome to Reachtember. Registration is now open.}

Happy Birthday, Gaffer 2000!

You'll always be our little chi motard.

I EAT New Balance for Breakfast!

Don't make him angry. You wouldn't like him when he's angry.

100 on 100 Photos

That's a bow tie, and we lost PK (top).

PK sure is surly (middle). SLU shows off sweet custom flag (bottom).

Just Gettin' Ready...

Thanks, Uncle Mark!

My stigmatism cleared right up.

HKAC to NBB: Worry About Your Own Shorts

The following interview was excerpted from Gaffer 2000: Eight Years of Turning Heads at RTB.

Interviewer: You participated in a special company's shorts demo last year, is that right?

Gaffer 2000: Oh, I participated, but I think the shorts did not. I found them, let's say...restrictive.

I: Didn't the race director field multiple complaints about your personal uniform? And I quote: "I can tell he's circumsized from 50 yards out."

G2000: There's a lot of pressure to give the people what they want, mmm'kay?

I: Is there anything in the works for this year?

G2000: HKAC is planning a short swap for leg 30 this year. It's part of a "custom" line I've been working on. But don't tell no one. It's a secret.

For more information, please visit here.

C.H. Huggleworth Declared: Best HKAC Member EVER!

In a recent gallop poll taken by the United States Office of Commerce C.H. Hugglesworth was found to be "The Best HKAC Member EVER!" 147% of all Americans would like to see C.H. Hugglesworth (The Hugginator as he is known to friends) boosted from his 7 year position as Assistant to the Assistant to the Team Captain of Team Spirit to the Official Team Captain of Team Spirit.

"He's funnier than Knapp. He has better leadership skills than Peterson. And he's just plain better looking than all the rest of us. I think he deserves it." said Johnny "the rocket" Rogers at a recent pre-race press conference.

There you have it folks. C.H. Hugglesworth Declared: Best HKAC Member EVER!

C.H. Hugglesworth: Game Face Is On!

HKAC-South Mandatory Criterium: A Report

Hugglesworth's Dickel-infused crack deuce powers HKAC-South to an impressive performance.

Oh, there was running. We ran...after the childrens. We ran...out to Harris' Tweeter for baby Tylenol and a fifth of Georgie's Dickel. We ran...for 20 minutes in the sand, knowing that it would not have felt any easier/faster had we been on pavement. And we ran...when Huggy caught the runs.

HKAC-South bottom line: RUNNABLE!

Not Runnable

MMWHKACISC&BP - 2010

A Sense of Urgency

As we enter Reachtober, or Beachtember, members of HKAC dilligently practice baton handoffs...with a sense of urgency.

Chesticles - methinks thou doth underestimate him

2:39:44, 5/2/2010.

Practice...from the rear

Practice? We Talkin' Bout Practice?

We talkin' bout practice.

Brandon Kowloon in Boston

Opting for the increasingly popular Reverse Hildo Training Plan (see: Hildo, B; Chesto, J.), Brandon Kowloon today ended weeks of speculation about his non-preparation preparations for Boston by clippity clopping to a 2:27:51. For six weeks now, Kowloon has put the old gear shift in neutral, asserting that Hildo "had it all wrong" about whipping it into shape in those final weeks. Instead, Kowloon relied on heavy doses of babysitting, standing in the rain giving splits to collegiate racer walkers, and Sunday drives on the Jersey Turnpike over the final days.

When a nagging little broken hip flared up, Kowloon even eschewed the advice of his respected running doctor Chestostopholes (Chesto-stoff-o-leez), who had already ordered up the super-sized portions of Coca Cola and cortisone. It is still unclear whether Chestostopholes planned to share his wares.

"I thought Kowloon was doing this crazy approach," commented the freshly chaste Gaffer 2000, from beneath his burka. "I guess I'm just not one for new fads in training. Call me old fashioned. Oh well."

A tip of the cap to Kowloon, who has already filed papers for the handicap division on Johnny Rocket's shuffleboard tour.

Don't Shoot Crotchgun!: One Photographer's Catalog

Top: Fairly tame.

Bottom: "Upping" the ante.

Let's Go You Kittys!

L.A.P. to Kittys: "I'm sick of your pussyfooting around. Seriously. Time for your status to be RUNNABLE."

Mandatory components

Mandatory components

Pre-Poo Scramblies

On this day, in late July 2007, Hugh-Gulls and Baked Madgitato chased Hey Bear all over zee beaver and zee wild Northeast Kingdom.

Some Runnable. Some Not Runnable.

On this day in late July, 2005, Gaffer and Hugh-gulls scampered 48+ miles, and only drank each other's pee three times.

Gaffer in Tryptych

iPhoto: Error - file corrupted.

REACHTOBER: a photo essay of my time with the Kittys by Dean "Lips" Youngblood

Hi, we're going to FNB!