Saturday, August 29, 2009

New Balance Corporate - A Photo Essay

Shockingly, security was reluctant to grant building access to these two Kittys, Gaffer 2000 having reinterpreted the dress code as: Shiftless Hobo meets State Trooper.

Gaffer 2000 models the freshly purloined NB RTB-edition kicks.

TAFKA Chesticles shares a laugh with NBB leadership, shortly before berating them for the gosh darn flat Coke they allowed to tantalizingly lie fallow in the company fridge.

One of these two "gentlemen" will soon come to regret that this photo exists. Thank you, JB!

Saturday, August 8, 2009

And I'll Raise You, Papa 'Stache.

In uniform to boot. And it's not like the person in this photo dressed up special. This is how he lives.

Friday, August 7, 2009


In an odd turn of events, Senor Christopher Saint Hugglesworth, has taken an early lead in the "Dirty Kitty 'Stache" Competition for 2009. "That's right dick-holes. If I'm gonna be the slowest man on the team ya'll better know it's gonna be with the slammin'est 'stache in town. And by town I mean the Dirty Dirty Down South. F all ya'll"

The Guantlet has been thrown... prizes/patches/corvettes up on blocks to the winner.

-Senor Hugglesworth

Monday, August 3, 2009

Report: Secret Weapon Not Dead Yet

Caught off guard in a phone interview yesterday, the wife of erstwhile Kitty Secret Weapon Hildo, Ali G "Hildette" Hildebrand, gave up the proverbial and literal farm: "I think he's running with Brendan."

Team staffer Gaffer confirmed just as much later in the morning, based upon his telepathic conversation with Hildo. "Trust me, dudes," reported Knapp, "That kitty has got cat mint all over his jewels. To say he's raring to go would be an understatement, mmm'kay man?"

After listing "ESP" as his main source, Gaffer's report was met with some speculation. "But it's only early August," lamented C.H. Hugglesworthless from his North Carolina nursery. "The Secret Weapon Training Recipe only calls for two weeks of running before RTB. How the hell am I going to get in shape if I have to start now? What the hell is Hildo doing? He said, 'Only two weeks necessary.' He said it!"

Apprised of Hugglesworthless' comments, Gaffer offered that the team might choose to test Hildo's fitness level by sending him on a Saturday run, solo, with Chesticles. "Let that a**muncher play his mind control games for 19 miles. Hildo will be begging for the good old days of getting banged by me in the back of a Vanagan after running with that dirty whore Chesticles. Seriously, dude."

Hearing the infamous C-word drop, Hacky the Incubatrix chimed in on Chesticles: "Pfffff...unrelenting."

Sensing rare journalistic verbosity from Incubatrix, Gaffer inquired about her personal "situation."

Incubatrix: "Still kittenless."

Gaffer: "You might want to try a sh*t ton of push ups and an oil and vinegar salad to help him along. By the way, great news about Hildo, huh?"

Incubatrix: "He's runnable."