Monday, August 3, 2009

Report: Secret Weapon Not Dead Yet

Caught off guard in a phone interview yesterday, the wife of erstwhile Kitty Secret Weapon Hildo, Ali G "Hildette" Hildebrand, gave up the proverbial and literal farm: "I think he's running with Brendan."

Team staffer Gaffer confirmed just as much later in the morning, based upon his telepathic conversation with Hildo. "Trust me, dudes," reported Knapp, "That kitty has got cat mint all over his jewels. To say he's raring to go would be an understatement, mmm'kay man?"

After listing "ESP" as his main source, Gaffer's report was met with some speculation. "But it's only early August," lamented C.H. Hugglesworthless from his North Carolina nursery. "The Secret Weapon Training Recipe only calls for two weeks of running before RTB. How the hell am I going to get in shape if I have to start now? What the hell is Hildo doing? He said, 'Only two weeks necessary.' He said it!"

Apprised of Hugglesworthless' comments, Gaffer offered that the team might choose to test Hildo's fitness level by sending him on a Saturday run, solo, with Chesticles. "Let that a**muncher play his mind control games for 19 miles. Hildo will be begging for the good old days of getting banged by me in the back of a Vanagan after running with that dirty whore Chesticles. Seriously, dude."

Hearing the infamous C-word drop, Hacky the Incubatrix chimed in on Chesticles: "Pfffff...unrelenting."

Sensing rare journalistic verbosity from Incubatrix, Gaffer inquired about her personal "situation."

Incubatrix: "Still kittenless."

Gaffer: "You might want to try a sh*t ton of push ups and an oil and vinegar salad to help him along. By the way, great news about Hildo, huh?"

Incubatrix: "He's runnable."

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