The Philadelphia Marathon, and indeed, the City of Brotherly Love, lost its last living supporter on Sunday when HKAC's marathon leader Chesticles appeared to call it curtains on his Philly career.
Spitting nails at the finish, Chesticles questioned the race organizers' decision to place a steeple pit (partially frozen over) at mile 22. Furthermore, Chesticles was a vocal dissenter on the decision to keep no times this year, in what had been described as an 'I'm okay, you're okay, time is all relative anyway' approach to the competition.
Despite these setbacks, Chesticles was able to pump out a 2:54:02 on his own watch, no small feat considering that the man had been declared legally dead earlier this fall. "I mean, when he went into the toilet at RTB, I didn't think it was in the figurative sense at all, man," remarked Gaffer 2000. "I really thought he was dead. Mmm'kay, man?"
For his part, the eternal flame himself weighed in: "To paraphrase my friend Leo Getz in Lethal Weapon 2, 'They f@!k you at Philly! They f%^k you at Philly!' Oh, and f#$k Stallone and the Eagles too. Okay okay okay okay okay okay."
With that, the HKAC marathon season abruptly ends.