Saturday, October 18, 2008

which is more offensive: those thunder thighs or that uniform

As an automatic Kitty Kourt procedure, Truddy McBedpan was issued three demerits this week for appearing in competion out of uniform at the Brooklyn Half-Marathon. McBedpan finished 5th in 1:12:34. Team lawyers are weighing options on how to proceed against Brooklyn Road Runners, though they have been busy filing claims for HKAC's rightful share of the $700M government buyout as well as fending off cease and desist orders from Sanrio Corp. Said team CFO Anders Peterson, in a press release announcing McBedpan's demerits, "the downturn touches everyone, including HKAC. Our numbers this quarter were down. With our revenue stream having dried up in September on account of subpar performances across the board, we don't have much of a cushion to absorb the shock of some poor decisions we may have made over the last several years." This last was seen as a veiled reference to HKAC's zero-down policy that led to a series of predictable defaults, most notably by Jason "I'm good for it" Laine. " HKAC board member Mark Knapp shared his frustration: "Bedpan knows we've been trying to increase our exposure in the New York market. This could have been big. Lord knows we could use a break." Knapp did admit to one positive turn, as McBedpan was reported to have passed almost all of his post-race drug tests. "That helps," said Knapp, "another drug scandal at this point really could sink us."

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