Kowloon...Eatin' It Out From the Back Side!

"Brandon Kowloon is a retard!' Quoth Senor Hugglesworth at a recent meeting of the Regional Association of Assistants to the Assistant to the Team Captains of Team Spirit(s)! "If that guy had listened to me the first time he would've been Eatin' it Out from the Backside that whole damn time, instead brown cappin' and making the rest of us look bad." Kowloon's recent "accolades" at the "valetine's day" "invitational" "race" can only be accounted to one thing. Team Chef, Russ "Sloppy" Rumple had this to say. "Kowloon's no friend of mine! Get outta my face. I guess he did ok. It's probably cuz the man races like he does dishes...like he's gonna get a whipin' if he doesn't get it done quick. Which he will...where the hell is that guy anyhow?"
Recently Gaffer 2000 who made his live TV debut on the Oprah Winfrey show claiming to have discovered the "Ancient City of the Lord Gaffer" had this to say "Now that I can live happily in the town limits of "Gay"
I've got all the lovin' that I need. No more will I have to father illegitimate love children with that whore of a father we call "Hugglesworth" By the way have you seen "WeeHug's Dong? That things a Monster!! Kowloon should be ready for some serious "Backside Eatin' if he expects to make HKAC 2009! I account his recent performance to one thing...It's all that back side eatin' that he does! That's what it is. Back Side Eatin'!"

A Poet Among Us

Metallica's Revenge by Kitty Kitten


There once whaled a wookie named (s)Anders,
t'whose whims brawny Vag often panders.
But when puck upon ice
crafts a slippery vice,
Quoth Chest(y): "Have ye Kitties no standards?"

HUG BOT 2000: Only a Matter of Time

Quoth Gaffer 2000: "You go stickin' yer hand in the cookie jar too many times, yer bound to git caught.  Mmmm'kay, you know what I mean?"  

Yes, Kitty Nation, it appears that there are now questions about who Wee Hug's other parent really is, with the recent unveiling of the HUG BOT 2000 clothing line putting the cards right there on the table.  It seems that Hugglesworth is carrying Gaffer 2000's love seed steed - HUG BOT 2000.

"Surprised?  No, I can't say as though I'm surprised," said Hildo.  "I've watched Gaffer 2000 pretty much have his way with Hugglesworth for 5 years now.  I mean, that bench bunk in the Vanagan - I'm surprised that didn't do it right there.  He was skull-humping the hell out of him back there.  Hey, it's just one Angel Kiss too many as far as I'm concerned."  

Johnny Rocket had this to say when it was suggested that the illicit impregnation was a result of a cavalier attitude toward his patented Angel Kiss.  "Listen, I've got a professional shuffleboard tour to look after here.  I'm very busy.  I can't always be watching what a couple of dumb kids are doing in the back of a van.  You can't blame me because they didn't know how to do it the right way."  

Stay tuned for details on the upcoming mid-winter/early spring HKAC Classic, which this year will feature an Angel Kiss Safety Workshop.  To sign up, please contact Assistant Team Sub-Captain of Procedures, Rectitude and Family Planning, Brandon Kowloon.  

Chesticles: 'Not On My Watch'

"I just have to question his training methods is all," remarked Chesticles, when apprised by Hey Bear that the Wookie was devoting much of the Sunday morning exercise block to this newfangled sport, hockey.

"Huh huh hey huh," replied Gaffer 2000. "Besides, I see this hockeying and I think about what Chocolate Jesus told me - who among us doesn't have unorthodox training methods? Hey man, hold my Vapo-Rub and Vitamin E capsules for a minute. Mmm'kay?"

"If he wants to avoid long-term injury, he needs to be out here pounding it more consistently. That's what I'm saying," continued Chesticles. "In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if he gets another late start on training this year, dragging us all through the 'will he/won't he' game. It'll be a miracle if he makes it to the starting line in September. So don't go encouraging him!"

Kickin' It Old Skool '06

With props to our dancers, our shooter (!), and our faultless editor, Tiny Kit:

Name Change?

And no, for you cynical cats out there keeping track of my blog topics history, I am not suggesting we change our team name to Hello Chesty Athletic Club. At least not yet...

If someone were to hypothetically make that nomination, however, I might second it.

Monday's Blue Plate Fare: A Side of Chesticles

Q: Are you in for RTB, Version 2009.It's-a-long-way-to-the-top-if-you-want-to-rock-and-roll.7th-year.Beachtember.biz.gov.doc?

A: Nice, now I have that awesome AC/DC song in my head. Count me in. I hope to drop the five minutes the team needed just from my legs alone. Let me know what kind of money I owe you. Thanks for coming out on Saturday. Sorry you missed out on the rest of the run. We kept a pretty consistent pace until we started heading back to Cambridge. Gaffer and I started throwing down all sorts of crazy shazamm in the final miles. He was complaining all the way.

Signed, Chesticles


Editor's Note: This representative e-mail from Chesticles begs the following commentary:

1. Yes, it is truly a wonderful AC/DC song.

2. When Chesticles refers to dropping 5 minutes, do you think he means from his time or does he intend to actually slice 5 minutes off of his legs?

3. Prompt payment is the preferred currency of HKAC.

4. You can bet the "shazamm" referred to in the final miles of Saturday's run included one turned ankle, one stranded runner, 3 miles erroneously estimated at 6:00 pace (7:30 actual), at least two miles at 5:50 pace, lots of surges, lots of Van Halen, some chafing-related blood, one hidden replenishment of Gatorade, and a whole lot of kvetching from Gaffer 2000.