A Tale of Two Kittys

What conclusions might we draw from this photo?

A. The rare moment when Chesticles is captured getting a word in edgewise on Garcon.

B. The coming holy hell of the literal and figurative storm about to be unleashed on HKAC.

C. The foundational brick laying of a solid marathon plan.

Even though "B" is the right answer and will forever be the right answer re: all things Kitty, due credit is to be given Garcon, for dropping a scintillating 2:56:45 PR at Cape Cod, and to Chesticles, for helping him get there. At first blush, Chesticles' method of concentrating all weekly mileage into one orgasmic long run seemed counter to Garcon's steady and progressive summer and fall months of training. The same can be said for Chesticles' emotional, rock and roll, overpass-fueled training run surges in contrast to Garcon's take-it-out-hard-and-keep-it-hard approach. Chaffmaster chafed, "Will they really be compatible?"

We have our answer. Chesticles hopped in at mile 2, was steady and encouraging, and in return was so taken by Garcon's consistency over the hills, he decided to reward himself and everyone by running the full final 24.2 miles. Carson himself credits Chesticles' in-race smoothness as one of the reasons for that lightning quick final 5k, culminating in a 6:20 final mile. Congratulations all around.

Point being, I think we've all learned something here. Kowloon, Gaffer 2000 wants it to be known that he will be furnishing this same succor to you at NYC this weekend. "Heh Heh Heh. Sure, I can whip his butt into shape. What'd ya say we're doing again?" queried a softer, more nurturing and nuanced Gaffer 2000.

We should all be so lucky.

As For Yer Daily Gaffer 2000 News...

Rupples - that's what's up!

which is more offensive: those thunder thighs or that uniform

As an automatic Kitty Kourt procedure, Truddy McBedpan was issued three demerits this week for appearing in competion out of uniform at the Brooklyn Half-Marathon. McBedpan finished 5th in 1:12:34. Team lawyers are weighing options on how to proceed against Brooklyn Road Runners, though they have been busy filing claims for HKAC's rightful share of the $700M government buyout as well as fending off cease and desist orders from Sanrio Corp. Said team CFO Anders Peterson, in a press release announcing McBedpan's demerits, "the downturn touches everyone, including HKAC. Our numbers this quarter were down. With our revenue stream having dried up in September on account of subpar performances across the board, we don't have much of a cushion to absorb the shock of some poor decisions we may have made over the last several years." This last was seen as a veiled reference to HKAC's zero-down policy that led to a series of predictable defaults, most notably by Jason "I'm good for it" Laine. " HKAC board member Mark Knapp shared his frustration: "Bedpan knows we've been trying to increase our exposure in the New York market. This could have been big. Lord knows we could use a break." Knapp did admit to one positive turn, as McBedpan was reported to have passed almost all of his post-race drug tests. "That helps," said Knapp, "another drug scandal at this point really could sink us."

Kowloon Once Again Upstaged By the Craziness of Chesticles

Wollaston Beach - In an apparent murder/suicide plot gone bad, Chesticles yet again nearly brought his own life and those of his teammates to an end over the weekend. While emerging details are sketchy at best, it seems that precisely when Brandon Kowloon was en route to a 1:07:12 (5:08s!) half in Hartford on Sunday, Chesticles was ladeling out his trademark heavy dose of scurrying cyanide.

In his wake, over the span of some 23 miles at a blistering clip estimated to be between 5:50 and 8:30 pace, Chesticles scattered Garcon, heretofore believed to be the Kittys' most pleasant surprise of the fall running season. Instead, now, Garcon has become the man whose daily quality effort has been co-opted by the Seven Seas of Chesticles into running a marathon every single day of his life. Alas, his poor little ticker gave out at the 22.95 mile mark. "Now that's a quality effort," summed Chesticles.

Much further back, in a pile of rubble not to be confused with a Flemmi/Bulger sculpture at UMASS Boston, lie a pair of spent harriers. Hey Bear was birthing it right along until the climax at Wollaston Beach. Early prognosis is sore hips; DL estimate is 6-6 1/2 years. Alongside the petered-out Bear rests the Wookie, who, in a valiant effort to run interference at the front in hopes of controlling the pace, literally burst into flames. "He looked good today," remarked Chesticles.

Visited by reporters at the finish line of his PR half, Kowloon, when asked to comment on Chesticles' ability to run a hard 23 on only 19 miles of weekly training, said, "Well, you know...um...it's like this...um...hmmmm...I made a good run but I run too slow, they overtake me down in Jericho."

Chesticles, meanwhile, despite being in full cardiac arrest (really, since the afforementioned Wollaston), regaled the growing crowd with stories of his carefully chosen route, equal parts history and pain, through Port Norfolk, up into Milton, racing back along the shore, to his own personal chamber of torture - the Quincy/Dorchester nasty concrete overpass. "They really never see it coming," chuckled Chesticles, who added, "I even gave them each an extra goo and pee-infused Gatorade from my special hobo stash."

Indeed, the Kittys' war of running attrition heats up as Cape Cod, New York, and Philly lie in wait in the coming weeks.

Wikipedia: Reach the Beach Relay

Found by Yoda, check out the results section in particular:

Reach the Beach Relay

The Reach The Beach Relay is a long distance relay race that is run through the picturesque hills and valleys of New Hampshire at the start of foliage season. It is the longest running relay race in the North America at approximately 204 miles, starting from Cannon Mountain and ending at Hampton Beach.

The race is currently capped at 350 teams (increased from 300 in 2006) and has filled up for the last several years. Participating teams traditionally come from the New England area, but as the race grows more and more teams are signing up from around the country and the world.

Contents [hide] 1 History 2 Course 3 Results 4 Weather 5 External links

[edit] History

The relay was started in 1999 by two multisport athletes who wished to bring a multi-day, relay-style race to New England. It is modelled after the grandfather of running relay races, the Hood to Coast relay in Oregon. The first year enjoyed participation by 31 teams, with the first team finishing in 23 hours and the last team in 32. By 2007, there were 351 finishers, and the race size was capped at 350. It sold out on June 14, 2007. In 2008, the race sold out on April 8.

[edit] Course

Each year the course undergoes some minor changes and as such the total distance has increased from around 198 miles to around 210 miles. It is segmented into 36 legs, and is run primarily by 12-person teams. The starts are staggered, starting at 7:30 and ending at 3:00, with the faster teams (based on their applications and history) starting latest. Each team will run their roster three complete rotations when the race is complete, so the runner in position one runs leg 1, 13, and 25, runner in position two runs leg 2, 14, and 26, and so on. Twelve-person teams use 2 vans, with one van eating and resting (and trying to sleep) while the other van is running its legs. Teams of fewer than 12 are permitted to race, but they must maintain their order. For instance, on an 11-person team the first three runners will have to run four legs each. A team with six or fewer runners is called an Ultra. If a runner is injured during the race and cannot continue, the subsequent runners move down one slot.

Individual legs vary in distance from 2.5 miles to 9.3 miles and total distances for runners varies from 13.9 miles to 22.5 miles. The first eight legs changed dramatically in 2007 when the start was moved from Bretton Woods to Cannon Mountain, requiring runners to run the significant uphills and downhills of the famous Kancamagus Highway. It was a one year appearance, however. In 2008 the race course was rerouted north along Interstate 93 to Beaver Brook Wayside Rest Area, which is the starting location of the first two Reach the Beach Relays (1999 and 2000). The new course also passes Bretton Woods Mountain Resort where the race started in the years 2001 through 2006 and included a 5K run up and down the ski slopes.

[edit] Results

In 2007, 351 teams finished, with Hello Kitty repeating as champion in a time of 21:12:30 (averaging 6:10 per mile). The 351st team finished in 34:14:47 (after being assessed a 1 hour penalty for vehicle support). 2007 Results

In 2008, a record 356 teams finished. An exciting race for the title developed between defending champion Hello Kitty AC and New Balance Boston, made even more dramatic by Hello Kitty AC losing one runner to injury and New Balance Boston losing two to injury. In the end, New Balance Boston dethroned the repeat champions by a mere 6 minutes with a time of 21:29:34 (6:10 per mile average). The 356th team, Team Brainlab, finished in 35:11:54 (10:05 per mile average). 2008 Results

[edit] Weather

The race is run on a Friday and Saturday in the middle of September, which generally means cool but comfortable running weather. But with New England weather, one needs to be prepared for extremes. The most feared weather system by the participants is the hurricane. While technically a hurricane has never rolled through New Hampshire on race day, the remnants of three hurricanes (or what felt like hurricanes) were felt in past years.

• Hurricane Isidore in 2002
• Hurricane Ivan in 2004
• Some would argue Hurricane Ophelia in 2005 but a review of the weather maps show that it was just plain old rain that drenched the course

In 2007, the weather was cool and rain fell on runners off-and-on from about 12:30 on Saturday morning until early late Saturday morning.

[edit] External links

• Reach the Beach Relay website
• Reach the Beach Relay Forums